Friday, October 26, 2012

Title TBA

 I have been writing a book.... It has always been my dream to one day be a published author, and maybe one day I will make that happen. For now, here is the first chapter... I am posting this because, well honestly I would like some feedback or any suggestions anyone has. Please, dont be afraid to be harsh. I have always written for myself, never for others and the only way I will get better is if I find out what my mistakes are and improve them! Thank you in advance for your time! :)

                                    Chapter One
If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend taking a moment and truly looking at yourself in the mirror. I don’t mean the everyday glance as you go about your morning routine, brushing your hair, washing your face, or putting makeup on if that’s your sort of thing. I mean REALLY look at yourself. You will be amazed at what you find in your own eyes. I know I was.
I never thought I was the kind of girl who would be capable of murder, never thought there would be circumstances extreme enough that my own 2 hands would be capable of harming another. But that was before Bryce came into my world and shattered every illusion I had about myself. Hell, who am I kidding? He shattered every illusion I had about everybody.
Bryce was every girls dream. The flowers, the romantic dinners, the foot rubs…  Oh my God the foot rubs! Some days I still miss those… But that all changed the day I thought I would surprise him at work with a quickie on our lunch hour. Little did I know that I would be the one getting the surprise.
I will never forget the moment I opened the door to his office trying to be all sneaky like, excited to reveal the little black number I had on under my skirt… Only to find that he was already under his office assistant Beth Dupree’s skirt. Oh, I couldn’t really blame him; she was a very cute little thing. The kind of girl that all the men love and all the women hate but secretly want to be. Blonde hair, blue eyes, milky white soft skin and still young enough to have those perfect perky breasts. (Now, I know what you’re thinking. Sorry to disappoint, but Beth is still out there alive and well and still as cute as ever.)
“What the hell is going on in here?!” I screamed the words that I now know 95% of the women in the world have screamed at least once, even if it was only inside their heads.
He just gave me that dumbfounded look that men seem to be so good at, and before he even had a chance to answer I spun around and flew out the door, not being able to stand one more second in that scene.
It would be easy to say I killed Bryce in a rage of fury, that it was a crime of passion, but it all honesty that’s just not the truth. I ran home, and yes I do mean ran. I left my car in the parking lot and just started running. I’m not sure why I was running, why I thought that running might make things better, but at the time it just felt right. I ran and tried to put as much space between me and the awful thing I had just seen as possible.
When I got home I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my skin raw. For some reason I just felt so dirty, and it wasn’t from the sweat pouring down my face. It was deeper than that. I could feel him on my skin even though he hadn’t touched me that day. I could smell him, I could smell her. I scrubbed and scrubbed until every inch of my body was red and the water had long since run cold. Then I just collapsed right there in the bathtub shivering, and crying. Life as I knew it was over.
I don’t know how long I lay there; I don’t know how I had enough water in my body to fuel the tears for as long as I cried. What I do know, is that when the tears finally stopped I made a decision. I could let this ruin me, or I could let it define me. I knew there was anger in my pain, and I knew there was strength in that anger. At that moment I realized I could do something about this. I could make him suffer, and I would. I had heard too many times from to many of my girlfriends about this boyfriend or that one cheating. Since the beginning of time men had been unfaithful to their women, they had even created a way to justify it in some cultures by allowing the men to have more than 1 wife. All the while women had been forced to stand by and just take it, put up with whatever men wanted to dish out, anything from cheating to beating. It was time we started fighting back, and I had decided that was my calling. I was going to start teaching the entire male gender a lesson, and I was going to start with Bryce.
That night there was a knock at my door. There was no doubt in my mind as to who it was… I had taken my phone off the hook and knew Bryce would come knocking when he couldn’t get thru by calling.
I quickly scrubbed at my eyes with my fingers to make sure they were freshly red and swollen, I loosened the belt around my robe that I was intentionally wearing, and glanced to be sure the half empty ice cream carton and spoon were visible on the coffee table. The contents had actually been dumped down the garbage disposal, but Bryce didn’t need to know that. After all, what heartbroken girl doesn’t lie around in her pajamas eating ice cream?
I slowly cracked open the door and answered with a little sniffle to my voice “What do you want?”
“Come on baby, please let me in! Can we please talk about this? Give me a chance to explain!”
“Why should I? I know what I saw; I can’t believe you would do that to me, to us! You can’t even blame it on being drunk, you were at work!”
I wanted to see him grovel and beg before I brought him to his demise.
“I know I made a mistake, I know what I did was wrong, please Megan, let me in, please let’s talk about this.”
I slowly stepped back from the door and let the slimy snake in. The hopeful look in his bright green eyes as I did almost made me have second thoughts about my plans… Almost. I replayed the images from that afternoon in my head and strengthened my resolve.
“What is there to talk about? You cheated, you lied, and you broke my heart… end of story.” I said.
“No Megs, don’t let it be that way!” I cringed at his use of that nickname.
“Please hear me out, I know I don’t deserve it, but please just give me one more chance, please Megan.”
I decided at this point it was time to throw him a little bit of a bone.  I needed to carefully reel him in without seeming to eager or he would realize something was up. Even though his actions hadn’t shown it, Bryce really was a smart guy.
“I’m listening” I said.
The relief on his face was very visible. His forehead smoothed out, his perfectly shaped mouth relaxed a little and the crinkles around his eyes started to even out. Was that a tear I saw shimmering?
“Megan, I swear it has only been that once. She came into my office to discuss her raise. I had refused to give her the amount she wanted, and the next thing I know she was on top of me. I know it was wrong, I know I hurt you and I’m so sorry! I just, I wasn’t thinking and I couldn’t seem to make my body react the way my brain was telling it to! Please, please let’s try to work this out. I don’t want to lose you, I love you!”
I stared at him for a long time. Just stared at the face and listened to the lies as they poured out of his mouth. Then I spun around in a quick motion that I knew would make my brown curls bounce in a way he always seemed to enjoy and with practiced emotion allowed my breath to hitch just a little with a careful half choked sob, “Oh Bryce, I don’t know what to do!” He came up behind me and put his arms around me, and with that; I knew I had him; he could never resist my tears.
See, there are several things that all men have in common. All men want sex, they fall asleep after sex, and when they wake up they are starving. With that being said, I probably didn’t have to put up such an elaborate front, but I wanted to. This was a role, an act, a scene in my life and I wanted to fully play the part. 


  1. Pretty please write Chapter two! I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for it!!

  2. I promised to do this last night but after my first day back I was so wiped I spent my evening on the couch. Sorry for the delay.

    It was very hard to read because of the spacing. Make sure to have a blank line between all paragraphs, it's just easier to read.

    As to the content itself, it's a good plot. I have only two suggestions, please remember I'm not a professional, this is only my opinion.

    You foreshadow heavily. That's not a bad thing necessarily but it can make the rest of the piece harder to write. If we already know the outcome, the story has to be told in an interesting enough manner to keep us reading along. I'm not saying you can't do it, I'm simply saying you've made it a lot harder on yourself.

    The other thing is a piece of advice every writer has given at some point, show, don't tell. Check out

    It's a good story, just needs a bit of polish.

    1. Thank you. :) I will take your words to heart and fix what i need to!

    2. One of the hardest things I do when I write is remembers to show, not tell. Rereading my latest story, I've already found many spots I need to fix in this regard, I screwed it up in the second paragraph.

      You're on the right path, keep it up.

    3. I have a very clear view of where I am going with this, but I didnt think about the fact of giving away to much to early... I was more focused on trying to capture the readers attention. I think I did that, but now you are right, I need to figure out a way to keep it.
      I think I may have to change the way I write the next chapter a little bit, not reveal as much as I had planned.

      I really appreciate all of your input, this is why I posted it to begin with. I wanted honest and helpful feedback. :)