The title of this post should leave no doubt in your mind what it is about. This post by my friend The Ranting Monkey stirred up some very deep feelings and emotions in me, and I needed to write.
I agree completely with Monkey. How dare anyone suggest that a woman is asking to be raped by what she is wearing?!
I went out on New Years Eve and wore a low cut shirt and high heeled boots. Does that mean I was asking someone to put a drug in my drink, take me back to their house and have up to 5 different men have sex with me in my unconscious/unaware state? Fuck no! And they did not "have sex" with me. They RAPED me, and anyone who dares say anything different can go fuck themselves. Better yet, how about I put something in YOUR drink and take you somewhere and let 5 men do that to you and see if you feel any different?
It just makes me so angry for anyone to try and justify in any way any kind of rape. Using the logic that anyone asks for it to happen by what they are wearing is absolutely ludicrous! Every person in this world has their own idea of what is a turn on and what isn't, there are people with all kinds of fetishes in this world, and yes, there are even those who are turned on by "granny panties" which means, gasp! it does not matter WHAT you wear, someone out there will find it attractive, and believe it or not, just because someone likes something you are wearing, it does not mean they are going to rape you! It angers me to no end for those who try to lay blame on anyone for rape because of what they wore or their sense of style!
And yes, I am using the term ANYONE, because rape can happen to men and women. In fact, people refer to rape as a crime that women don't report because they are to ashamed... Want to know the statistics on how many men don't report being raped?
But, back to my original point of this post. I am a survivor of rape. And as such I take a tremendous amount of offense to anyone, any "feminist" group, or any article that even remotely suggests that I was asking for it.
I assure you that as I got dressed to go out that night my only thoughts were that I wanted to look good and feel good to bring in the New Year. I had lost over 40 pounds that year and I was proud of myself. I wanted to show it off, not to have someone man handle me, and I wasn't even looking to have consensual sex with anyone. I was proud of myself, felt comfortable in my own skin, and I wanted to celebrate.
Now someone is trying to say that because of that I asked to have things happen to me. I asked to have so much damage done to me that they couldn't even preform an entire rape exam at the hospital. I asked to have nightmares that wake me up with screams. I asked to now have a fear of anyone being behind me and always having to sit with my back to a wall. I asked to be afraid to go out to a bar with my girlfriends, or to never be able to drink something after I have lost sight of it for even a second even if I'm at home. I asked to now have New Years Eve associated with fear and terror instead of happiness and cheer.
Fuck you. I asked for none of that. It is not my fault that it happened, and let me tell you it took me a long time to get to a point where I could say that. And for ANYONE to say otherwise is the most idiotic thing that anyone can say or do to anyone who has survived the atrocity known as rape. It is because of people and articles like you that so many are afraid to come forward, because they are afraid of just that... They are afraid the police will blame them and instead of being seen as the victim that they truly are, they will be seen as a whore or a slut who asked for it.
It is time to stop saying such outlandish things, time to stop looking for places to lay the blame other then with the criminal who committed the crime. Stop making victims of this crime feel more ashamed of themselves then they already do. You imbeciles that write this crap obviously know jack shit about being raped, or you would know that there is enough feelings of shame and guilt wrapped up into it without you pouring acid on an already inflamed wound. And if you truly knew anything about rape, you would know that statistically speaking, rape is not a crime of sex, it is not a crime of "Oh my God, do you see what that person is wearing? I just cant control myself and must have them now!".... Rape is a crime of control, a crime of power. It is a crime of someone who feels the need to prove something about themselves by showing someone else how much stronger they are then them.
So, how about you stop writing about subjects that you know absolutely shit about, and start writing about things you know, like how to be a small minded idiot?
I am a survivor of rape, and my low cut shirt was NOT the reason it happened. End of story.