Sunday, March 11, 2012

Judgemental people suck.

Yes, I have a daughter that has never seen her father. Yes, I have 3 children by 2 different men. But I am so tired of being judged on this one set of facts.  I am sick of people who have a holier then thou attitude, when in reality given a different set of circumstances the situation that I find myself in life could really happen to anybody. I grew up in a VERY sheltered and strict home, and when I finally hit adulthood and ventured into the world on my own, I was very unprepared for what life was going to throw at me. I pretty much ended up hooking up with the first guy that showed any interest in me, and thought that he was just absolutely perfect. As I eluded to in my previous post, this was not the case and I learned that very quickly. Still, I stayed with him and took care of him, waiting on him hand and foot as I had been taught to do, and kept on hoping that things would change, that it would get better. They never did, but by the time I was finally able to get up the courage to get out I had already had 2 children with him. Then Dec. 31st, 2008. I had gone out to celebrate the New Year with a friend, and ended up waking up the next morning with no memory of where I was or how I got there. As events unfolded over the next few days, it was discovered that something had been slipped into my drink at the bar, after which 4 men took me back to their house. It doesn't take much imagination from there to realize what happened after that. In the few weeks that followed I was absolutely terrified to be alone or to go anywhere or do anything. I spent the majority of my time with a particular friend. Unfortunately one night this friend had to be at work and couldn't be there for me, so he sent another friend in his place. I didn't know this other friend as well, but it was someone I knew and it meant I wasn't alone. It didn't take long to realize his intentions were not pure of heart. He proceeded to take advantage of the situation and capitalized on my fear. He made advances and I kept trying to tell him no, he said "Why are you telling me no? You know that word doesn't mean anything!" And at that point in time I truly felt he was right. I wont say that he raped me, but he definitely took advantage of a bad time in my life. My brain was screaming for him to stop, but the screams, yells and tears in my brain somehow stayed there and never came out of my mouth.
3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I tearfully told my doctor the entire story, gave her the 2 possible conception dates, and she did an early fetal ultrasound to pin it down. The 2 dates were of course the 31st of Dec., and Jan 13th. After the ultrasound she told me the date of conception was determined to be around the 12th. In my mind that made it very clear as to who the father was, so I did what I felt was the right thing to do and went to him to tell him. His reaction of course was that the baby was not his, it couldn't be, etc, etc...
I could go on for a while with this story, but I think I have made my point. People want to judge, but they really don't know. They want to call me a slut or a whore and turn down their noses at me because I am so obviously beneath them. But what they don't know is that while I endured some pretty traumatic events in my life, I wouldn't change them because out of that came the 3 things I am most proud of in my life. I now have 3 very strong reasons for getting out of bed every morning and facing the challenges of life. I have 3 reasons to move on in my life, take the lessons learned and keep going.
So, if you want to call me names for that then go ahead. I wont lie and say that it doesn't hurt, but deep down I know I am better then that. I know that you don't really know me or my story, and maybe if you did it would change your mind... Maybe not. Some people just get off on sticking their noses in the air.


  1. If we judged everyone by the choices they made in the past, how many of us could honestly stand the test? We've all done things we'd do differently with what we know today, but at the time we probably did the best we could given the situation and what we knew about life. My philosophy is that everything we have gone thru, all that we have endured and learned, makes us the person we are now and are on the way to becoming, life is a school in that sense, but it is also a magical journey and every day is a new beginning and a new chance to be a bit of more of the person we'd like to be. It is important not to buy into the negative messages society and those around us give us based on whatever they think is right and wrong. The truth is, as you probably know, that we judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else ever could, and that is the voice we need to rid from our head. Leave the past in the past, it's over and done. Start to find reasons to like yourself and your life today, sounds like you have three of them for sure! :-) Show them the beauty of a person who believes in themselves and doesn't let other people's judgements cloud their ability to know the truth and to choose their own path in life. In the end, we need only be able to look our ownselves in the mirror at night. It is flat out no one else's business!

  2. If TrustingPoet where to consider how infrequently people think of her, she might be less concerned about what they think of her.