Monday, March 12, 2012

The Lonely Bed

You know you are both to damn stubborn when you both end up sleeping on various piece's of furniture in the living room, while a perfectly good bed remains empty in your bedroom upstairs.
After our big romantic weekend away that started horribly, then turned out okay, today has almost been like we are perfect strangers. We had sex 5 times in less then 24 hours, yet less then 12 hours later we started fighting and haven't stopped. Now he is curled up on the recliner, I am on the love seat, and we are both playing the martyr and insisting the other use the bed.
Why are we doing this to ourselves?! I have  spent more of the day crying then anything else and that was mostly because he was gone for the entire day with me having no real idea where he was. But the distance sure didn't stop the fight. Oh no, we managed to keep that going nice and strong via over 500 text messages today. I keep telling myself that in a way its a good thing, that we both obviously still care otherwise why would we be fighting like this? But even I'm not believing myself anymore.
We have been to hell and back in our 2 years together. And back again. He was there when my house burned down and all my worldly possessions were gone. I was there for him when he was in panic mode because the girl he cheated on me with thought she was pregnant (yes, fucked up I know, but everybody does stupid things). He was my shoulder when I had to travel out of state during custody issues with my baby, he even came with me to those court hearings and helped me every step of the way until it was over.... And those are just a few examples. So why do we as a couple who have been thru so much together now have the problems we seem to be having lately?
All I know is that I do love this man very much and I know what a wonderful heart he has inside him... And I am so tired of hurting all the time.
Yet, here we are, neither willing to sleep in the bed alone, yet not quite willing to share it with the other either.
And that is a very lonely place to be indeed.

6 comments:

  1. Pride and anger are a poisonous combination.

    I hope you find a resolution soon.

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    1. Your words made me think more then I already was, and I realized how right you are. Because of that, I went over to him last night, laid my head on his chest, told him I loved him and just cried. Let him feel all of the emotion coming from me, and he put his arm around me. Today has been 100% better, we have talked and laughed, had sex, then talked some more. Our bed will not be lonely tonight! Thank you for making me think.

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    2. I've been married a long time, 18 and a half years. Your story reminded me of some of our early days. Of all the things I've learned in life, knowing that pride has a time and a place has been the most helpful in avoiding that situation.

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  2. Quite the mess you're in. Hopefully things will improve soon. :(

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    1. When there is a peaceful time in your relationship, talk about how all the fighting and anger and hurtful words are damaging what you have, and destroying your caring for each other. Agee not to make your home a place of anger and hurt, for your sake and for the children. If you have a disagreement, stick to that issue only, and discuss it like adults, rather than hurling insults and words that cut deeply and cause scars on our hearts. If you spend more time fighting and hurting than holding and loving, it is time to take a second look and ask yourself if this is a good place to be.

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